i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Someone came in the potted fern
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
