I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
