They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
