I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
