Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
