I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just cropdusted the office
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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