He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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