I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
