you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
