So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
