So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He felt like a one man threesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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