If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
