Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
