I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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