he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
