thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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