Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize