Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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