Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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