sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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