i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Are my feet made of real feet?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
