I cut my penus on the lid.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
