I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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