You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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