he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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