Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
