she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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