so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
