so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Houston, we have a blender
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize