I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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