just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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