it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
