i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
