i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
