I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
