dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize