Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
