finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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