i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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