Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
do herpes really smell.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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