hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
