OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
