I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
