hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
