the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
