can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the condom got lost in my hair
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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