It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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