i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
pray to the hookup gods
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
