Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
