Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
