I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
