Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize