You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize