I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
