I just cut my nipple shaving
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Green mimosas i think yes
you inspire me to be a worse person
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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