Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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