That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
