My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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