P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Drake has all the answers
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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