now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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