Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
