I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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