She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
