I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
