I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
