I hope mine doesn't look like that
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
