dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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