I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
